What's in a name? An Author Name

Another Good Friday passed but I was almost oblivious to it. Not trying to be disrespectful for the day meant so much when I was growing up and it still has meaning now. As a child I loved Good Friday because we didn't have to do chores or clean anything that day. Mom was adamant about keeping the day holy and a day of reflection of Jesus dying on the cross for us. It was out of respect for our savior that there would be no cleaning or labor. It worked for me as it would for any child I imagine. It also meant going to church and preparing for Easter Sunday. I can remember a time when stores in our neighborhood were closed on Good Friday. That didn't last long as I kept growing however. April 26 Okay I wrote the Good Friday short piece last week. Days ago anyway. Hope you all had a wonderful Easter Sunday. Lately I've been feeling lost. Unsure. Floundering. I wish I could explain just how much. I wish I could explain why but its complicated. I once told my therapist that writing was the only thing that kept me going. Otherwise I'd be in trouble. But that therapist suddenly died in 2016. I've floundered even more. I tried to continue therapy after his death but when my second therapist needed back surgery only for her not to return, I couldn't take it anymore. I did try a third therapist who was nice enough but I couldn't connect with her. She wanted to thrust me into group therapy which I wasn't prepared for not to mention I just didn't want it. At least not yet. Losing two therapists when I was dealing with deep depression was not going to help me in group therapy. Some may say that I could have tried it but I don't agree. Oh well. As the world gets crazier or maybe not so much that. As the world keeps showing its insane true colors, I keep trying to cling to that thing that keeps me glued. Writing. And I could likely debate that these days but I wont. I have continued to write poems. Some I write by hand. Others I have posted on sites as Twiter and Poetizer. Even Facebook. I've been editing some of my Child Series again. I decided to change their covers but I will get more to that in a later blog. Likely on the next one. Right now I've been thinking about my simple author name A.M Torres. This has been the only name I have published under. The Child Series. My two published poetry books. Its kind of confusing. Its hard to explain but once upon a time I had readers. Or I should say consistent Facebook readers who enjoyed some of my books like Love Child and Child No More. Perhaps I confused them when Child Scorned was released. Then my dad passed away in 2016 so I took more time to release Child Game. Since that time I can't help but feel that some of my readers have lost interest and moved on from my series. I can point to many things that have happened since to make that happen. The pandemic. The Trump presidency that divided people more than usual. Then of course there is life too. People's problems and tragedies. I understand all these things. Then I realize that maybe its all a cop out. For authors and writers have always had to deal with the world's insanity. Some have continued to become consistent best sellers even so. Some classic stories continue to thrive years after they were written. And many readers asked for books to read during the pandemic. I suggested mine as often as I could. I shared my links but I don't know if I got new readers that way. Sometimes a random conversation has revealed new readers I didnt know I had. Its complex. As it is, I still have two more books to complete the Child Series. Demon Child is one of those books. I'm still working on the other title. I began those books and plan to finish them. I'm also one of those fans hoping to read George Martin's Winds of Winter. Many don't believe that Martin cares if his A Song of Ice and Fire series are ever completed. He has so many projects to work on, other books he's written and of course he continues to add to his millions. Can't fault him for that but as an aspiring author I can only wish I had his problem there. I suppose that falls on me. The least being maybe just not promoting myself or my books better. I am painfully shy and I can't deny that's been a problem. So more soul searching there. More digging. Aside from promotion I've questioned if I should change my author name. Just how important is an author name? Since 2011 I have used A.M Torres. I've wondered about it. I've considered changing it. I voiced that consideration years ago. Now I am again. Maybe its the need to blame something for my lack of progress. For I believe in myself as an author. (Okay I admit not always but I think its safe to assume that even the best selling authors have felt that way) Not sure if changing anything is necessary and then I can't help feel that starting over is better than stagnation. Floundering is a problem but so is stagnation. I'm tired of that. I feel the spark and then it dies out. If I can finish the Child Series then I can move on to other novels. I have ideas for more. Just not sure if A.M Torres will write them. Or someone else. If you have read my writings at any time I would appreciate any feedback. Honest feedback. I can take any of it. It can't hurt more than it has already.